"Hibernating Jackalopes": - Audio Transcript

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HOST:   Cryptid Critter Crawl presents, Hybernating Jackalopes

 

VISITOR    The jackalope?

 

VISITOR    Jacka - what?

 

VISITOR    They seem so exotic.

 

VISITOR     What’s a Jackalope?

 

HOST     Recently, a herd of hibernating Jackalopes has appeared in the museum backyard, having our visitors asking, what is a jackalope?

 

HCR REP     What’s a jackalope? That’s a… well, a weird way to think of it.

 

HOST     Explains Museum HR representative, Charlie Spectacles, who can often be found watching the hibernating critters.

 

HCR REP    I’m not watching them, that sounds creepy. I’m waiting. Waiting for them to wake up so they can fill out this paperwork.

 

 (Sound of Ream of Paper flipping through pages and flopping down)

 

HCR REP    Actually, I’m the H “C” R rep now, that’s Human Cryptid Relations representative. They uh, gave me the new title the other day. I’m not sure what the “C” portion of the job entails just yet, but I did get a new parking spot… that’s right next to my old parking spot, but it’s new to me. So in the meantime, I’m just waiting around. With… the… Paperwork.

 

MR SOUNDMAN     So, what is a Jackalope anyway?

 

HRC REP   Oh Mr. Soundman, you’re asking the wrong question. In HR, sorry, H ‘C’ R, we don’t ask what an individual is, we ask who an individual is.

 

Sure, the Jackalope is identified as a hybrid critter with the body of a jackrabbit and the horns of an antelope, but that’s only two parts of something much more nuanced. There’s blood, guts, hormones, DNA, lymph nodes, neurons. There’s memory, experiences, relationships, love, loss, student loan debt, oh my gosh the student loan debt! Jackalopes, like all of us, are so many many things. And there are mountains of paperwork for all of it!

 

HOST    Yes, the infamous paperwork.

 

HCR REP    Actually, I’ve got a 1099 here for you to fill out when you have a minu—-

 

HOST     (cutting off Charlie) Legend has it, as a cross-cultural hybrid critter, Jackalopes experience the best of both worlds, giving them both an evolutionary and experiential advantage, but in actuality, the Jackalope is often dismissed by both the Jackrabbit and Antelope communities

 

When asked for comment, a local jackrabbit had this to say.

 

 (Chewing Sounds)

 

MR. SOUNDMAN    Um… I don’t, uh, I don’t think they talk.

 

HOST    Now listen here Mr. Soundman. Don’t speak for the rabbits. You don’t speak for rabbits, antelopes, or Jackalopes. Nor do I or anyone else. You aren’t them. Let them speak for themselves.

 

MR. SOUNDMAN    I’m sorry. I… I just never thought about it that way.

 

HOST    You’re forgiven young Soundman. Now let’s hear what this rabbit has to say.

 

(Squeaky Noises).

 

HOST:     Very interesting.  (kind of uncomfortable)  Wouldn’t you say Mr. Soundman?

 

MR. SOUNDMAN     Wow. That rabbit does not like Jackalopes.

 

HOST     Perhaps the dismissal of Jackalopes is the result of similar judgments by some in the rabbit community. But here at the museum, our doors are always open…  During standard business hours of course.

 

As such, we have declared the Backyard a Jackalope sanctuary, welcoming them into the museum community. We are excited to learn about each and every one of our new friends.

 

HCR REP    And to fill out their paperwork.

 

 (Sound of Ream of Paper flipping through pages and flopping down)

 

HOST    (sighs)   Hibernate well Jackalope friends, you’ll have a busy morning when you wake up.