"The Museum Space Goo" - Audio Transcript

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HOST:   Cryptid Critter Crawl presents, The Museum Space Goo.

 

(Squishy sounds like a boot in mud. Plops and pops. Static with faint hints otherworldly music, like searching through a radio dial for signal on Saturn)

 

HOST     These are the mysterious sounds of the Museum Space Goo.

 

 (Goo sounds)

 

HOST    What is it saying? What is it signaling? Nobody knows, but some do speculate.

 

PROF CHILDREN     It wasn’t long ago that the museum staff didn’t notice any Cryptid activity or artifacts for that matter.

 

HOST    …explains Museum Big Wig Dr. Professor Children, whom this museum is named after.

 

PROF CHILDREN    But everything changed with the appearance of the… Museum Space Goo…  Let’s just say, once you’ve seen something as reality-bending as the Goo, well, some things can’t simply be, unseen.

 

MR SOUNDMAN    ( from off mic ) Oh my gosh. It’s behind you Doctor Professor. It’s undulating.

 

PROF CHILDREN     Oh, settle Mr. Soundman. Settle, settle. It’s just Space Goo.

 

(Cheesy Music)

 

HOST    It all began when the museum interns were clearing out the planetarium basement space.

 

INTERN 1      We like, found like, this big, like metal container thingy.

 

INTERN 3      Yeah.

 

INTERN 2      It was cold. To the touch. Cold to the touch.

 

INTERN 3     YEAH YEAH.

 

INTERN 2     Then we opened it. The metal thingy.

 

INTERN 3     Yeah.

 

INTERN 1     And in there, was like, this like, space goo.

 

INTERN 3     Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah.

 

INTERN 1     And then it like…. got out.

 

INTERN 2    And now… we see it everywhere.

 

INTERN 3    Yeahhhhhh.

 

HOST    Even Youth Prodigy, Child Scientist, Imani Smarts seems befuddled by the mysterious Museum Space Goo.

 

IMANI    We’ve tried to take samples. But, it’s the darndest thing, there’s no physical trace of it anywhere. It can’t be held in your hands. But still, it’s there. You can see it. It has a real-world impact.

 

PROF CHILDREN     Perhaps this undulating Space Goo is what’s drawing cryptids to the museum. Or maybe it has merely allowed us to notice them. Either way, we now have a choice to make. We can fear these cryptids… or we can welcome them.

 

HOST    After a brief 77-hour all-staff interdepartmental Zoom meeting and team-building challenge ropes exercise, museum social media had this to share.

 

SOCIAL MEDIA   (several monotone voices in unison)  It is the museum’s official position to not be afraid of the unknown but to be curious about such unknowingness. Hashtag: Winning.

 

MR SOUNDMAN    (from off mic)    Would one of you mind stating that alone. For better audio?

 

SOCIAL MEDIA   No.  Museum social media must be social. Hashtag: TogetherForever. Hashtag: LiveLoveDance

 

PROF CHILDREN      We are trying our best. And perhaps. In time. Thanks to our friendly Museum Space Goo, we may no longer think of these Cryptids as a “them”, but instead, we will think of “them”, as an “us”.

 

MR SOUNDMAN     I’s still undulating behind you. So… much... undulation.

 

PROF CHILDREN    Then undulate along. It’s fun and it’s good for the love handles Mr. Soundman. Get jiggly with it.

 

MR SOUNDMAN   I’m jiggling. I’m jiggling.

 

PROF CHILDREN   That’s very good jiggling. Oh, ho, ha, hoh, what good good jiggling this is.

 

HOST   And now that we at the museum have found ourselves face to face with the unknown, we know, there is no going back. Only forward.

 

Jiggle on space goo - jiggle on.